No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize