the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
