someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
