We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
