Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
even my farts smell like vagina
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Less talking, more tequila
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
