"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
