wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
