your thong is hanging out like whoa
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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