And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
