I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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