i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
