where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
