Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry about my life...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
