now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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