If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
