i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
