She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
