3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
