We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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