ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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