too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
