Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
