We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't deserve a penis
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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