actually, I'm a sock model
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just high enough for therapy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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