I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
