I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
