Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
