i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
