I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
