I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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