What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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