i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
