Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
