the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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