It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
