We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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