I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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