haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Mom said you looked used
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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