You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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