I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
