She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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