When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
