Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
