I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it because I queefed?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
