You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
