I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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