My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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