All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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