He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
