Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
