Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
