Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You pole danced in your parka.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
