Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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