words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize