Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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