The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize