So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
