I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
