if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
