Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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