Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
