i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize