That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
