is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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