Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
