3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
