Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize