The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
