half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
