I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ketchup is God's man juice
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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