I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
