What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
