i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
God, I missed his penis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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