i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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