So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So many bounce houses so little time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
