My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
