I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
