I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm always down for nudity.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
