It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
