just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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