ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
