I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
