dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
