Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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