I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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