U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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