Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize