I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
