i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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